she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
