protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
