Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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