Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
