My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
