I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
