I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
