the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
