porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
