Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
