MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I love you.
Bad choice
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
