We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
