There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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