you guys were way drunker than both of me
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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