Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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