I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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