if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
