Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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