This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize