Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
