Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
