apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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