The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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