In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
