He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Randomize
