Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
this beer tastes like vomit already
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
