well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
