we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
