2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
