im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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