How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
