Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I fill condoms, not promises.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
