Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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