I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
