Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
