Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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