Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
