I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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