I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
