Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I will pee on everything he values.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
