I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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