Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
