awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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