Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
