I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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