I'm jealous of your bromance
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
