My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
