Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i came on her dog
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
