In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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