I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
