A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
