Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize