I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
