I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He has the fingertips of a God
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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