Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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