Will you blow on my dice?
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize