just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
