there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
