Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize