The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
