I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
