So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
