peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
