Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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