how hairy? two words: wookie tits
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
