I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
