so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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