wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
