remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
